I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
