True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
