It's like God shit irony all over that family
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love having hate sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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