If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
