If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
