Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
another moral hangover. fuck.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
