I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
