your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
