I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
