I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A bitchslap is in order.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
