My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
