I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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