Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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