At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
