The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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