They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So much Jack, so little girl.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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