He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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