i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
