I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
