She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
