i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
