He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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