Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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