It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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