weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
