operation harelip BJ is a go
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
