the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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