Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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