Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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