Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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