Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
this is an emotional support booty call
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
