The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
