I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
