Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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