i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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