so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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