I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
