I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
