what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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