Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
