The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize