Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
