I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
