can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
