Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
