It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
