so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
