you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
