Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize