I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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