if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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