There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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