so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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