so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We need a shit load of segways right now
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
