I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize