Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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