I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pants are for mortals
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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