Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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