the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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