You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
