i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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