i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
