somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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