my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
