Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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