Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize