I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
