Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
