Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
