now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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