I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
