He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
