I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
