what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
