I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
