So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
