I will die if light touches me.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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