he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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