You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
