i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
