my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
