u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize