I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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