Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
