Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
two words: eviction party
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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