Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
