So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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