Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
