I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
