Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
