Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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