Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
