the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
