Rock
Scissors
Fuck
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize