Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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